Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had to cum in my sink.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
