so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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