please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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