Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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