so explain again why im purple
no
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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