insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
