i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
