ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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