I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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