i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize