My cat gives me a boner
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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