I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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