My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
