How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
