i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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