Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Girls should come with a carfax report
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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