Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
