thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
