Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Green mimosas i think yes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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