Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
