I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Im part way to drunk.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
