He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
