I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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