JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
