I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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