Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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