i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
