I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
