I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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