I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
