I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
