Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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