my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
