This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
