my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
