sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
