It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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