Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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