I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
