SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize