Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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