I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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