Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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