I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize