I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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