I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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