Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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