Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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