Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The best revenge is premature balding
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
