Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
