he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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