Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
