so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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