Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
