i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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