I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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