oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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