Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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