i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
