just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
