i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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