You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
