In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have already put on my inside pants.
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