How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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