Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
