I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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