its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
