dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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