Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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