literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
