he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
